Moleskine excerpt


We lose ourselves sometimes - a bit too much, searching too far into the interstices of things that matter and others that have been long forgotten, but it's too difficult to simply exit this labyrinth of present v. past without ... really wondering how you even got there. I would be lying if I told you that the things I write about plague me on a daily basis, because honestly, I don't think about half of the things I talk about. My mind is just one big wasteland of nothingness, streaming with unconscious, subconscious, strange ideas sporadically, but generally, it's the simplest definition of a place where things occasionally happen. Thus, it can be seen in some way that there are two roads (in the matrix that is the thought process derived from the human race) then; one where a road is most traveled with revelations that strike the core so often as the revolutions of the Earth, and the other where a road is just one winding highway leading to a destination that may or may not be tangible. Even with the latter one, I still believe that it doesn't delineate the polar of the former.. It kind of binds some type of existentialist feel, but I wholeheartedly believe that a person, given "normal" circumstances, seeks something in his or her lifetime, at least at one point or another. I guess you could also make an argue then that does this pursuit necessarily intertwine with something literally tangible, or figuratively, because they can be distinguished here as well. Or is it really an object or a thing or a goal that we bind our lives to? Can we achieve a purpose? As in here, can a goal of a person's life be completely altruistic? If a man says his goal is to become a millionaire, and a woman states that she would like to get married, can a person really be on a pursuit of achieving... nothing. In the retrospect, that in the end, this person would have no "net gain," and another, or other, people will. I think that's interesting. I think that behind every act, there is to some degree, whether it be for a plethora of reasons or just a minuscule fragment of a detail, a form or motive to seek benefits. (((I honestly don't know what I'm writing, but I will finish this up)))
* Lapse// Somewhere between these two roads, I stand, searching and understanding the things and places and people that slowly register with the maelstrom that is my mind.

In other news, I CAN NOT WAIT TO DELVE into Joyce, Rand, and Vonnegut- definitely my go-to authors. Midterms just ended, though I need to make one up tomorrow. I've been sleeping past 4 every day this week, waking up at six, and strangely, I don't feel an ounce of exhaustion as I go through my school day. Initially, I am very weary and misguided, but after a short short, I feel somewhat rejuvenated and go about my day. I don't like the way I spend my day, but it's been sort of effective. Hm. Probably should get to sleep soon.