here is the main reason why i prioritize listening to music and taking photographs over most of the things that are not a part of my teendom: 

- we all lose ourselves, and i promised myself i wouldn't judge others for the ways that they did this, even though sometimes i am so confused at and indifferent to the stupidity of the things and regrets that happen in the stray hours of the night. [moreangstinesscutout] but when i hold my camera, i look into the lens and become an observer, finally understanding what it is to truly, truly look at something and admire it without any attachments or bias- just pure reverence and admiration for something so tangible and effortlessly still. nothing can stir my thoughts- no one can make me feel a certain way when i am watching instead of thinking. we learn to disconnect ourselves, and tune our surroundings away from our minds, because we are all human and crave for things we can not have, and even some things that do not exist. we think things will eventually be okay if we keep saying that over and over again and love and hold the people who say they love us on an infinite repeat. i need to escape all of that. i need to escape people, my home- even my own being. the most relaxing thing to do is to admire the beauty around me and love the way the earth is without me in it. to be a part of something like the earth, and to take that for granted is an effortless thing to do, but to truly appreciate the world, just step back and look. stop thinking, stop working, and just look.